The fic that went wrong
by Altra
Summary: PG-13 for a lotta language, you have been warned.
1. Default Chapter Title

A/N: Beware the half self-insertation fic I have made! It contains the classic Mary Sue plus the sarcastic-bitchy- so called gothic me. LOL. I bet you thought I was Mary Sue. Much language. I warn you now.  
  
A Fic that went wrong.  
  
"Hey freak, listen when I talk to you!" The girl stopped in her tracks, clenching her fists in anger. Her chocolate brown eyes burned with uncharacteristic anger. "Thats better, bitch. Now, I hear you were hitting on my dear freind, John. See, freaks like you aren't to be associating with people," the boy said. The girl turned slowly to face him. About six feet-tall, he had bleached blonde hair and sky blue eyes. His grey shirt read "Shorty's", his cargo shorts, a tan color, reached his knees, his expensive shoes in clear view. The mocking smile on his face made him appear exceedingly intimidating and evil. Not what one expects a popular to be like. Well, atleast the majority of the school doesn't expect.  
"'Ey, jackass, I don't "hit" on bops. I asked your lover if I could borrow a pen to correct the science test. You know what a test is right? Those things you write answers on so that the teachers can evaluate you?" she said, speaking down to him, widening her eyes to get a impersonation of a kindergarden teacher. Her dyed red hair, though still mostly a brown shade same as her eyes, fell over her shoulders.  
"Listen, gothic-bitch, you are nothing. You and your kind. Not even human. Don't talk to anymore people and contaminate them with you "Satan is good" shit, it tends to offend us."  
"Only idiots like you would worship a devil. I happen to be on no religious prefrence, yet, the devil? What kind of an idiot believes in Satanism? Psychopaths and serial killers. Sounds like you, Scott," she replied, anger coming through her voice.  
"Is something the matter here?" The principal, a woman in her sixties who simply adored gold and blue as she always wore them, asked.  
"Nothing at all," the girl said quickly. Without waiting another second, she turned, and fled to the lunch area. **Damn damn damn! I just had to say something! Here comes yet another detention!**  
"Hi Katie!" a guy, decked from head to toe in black, called out. She waved, picking up her pace.  
"What's up you guys?" she said, dropping her black book bag on the ground before sitting down besides it. All of the 14 people, three girls and eleven guys, were clothed in black, gray, and other assorted dark colors.  
"Nuttin' much," a girl with purple streaks in her hair replied. "What took you so long?"  
"Bop. I'm getting yet another detention. Mrs. Big-ass should be here in a few, so I suggest that you watch your language and put away your safety pins." The others nodded. As predicted, the prinicpal arrived minutes after Katie did. As predicted, she recieved a detention for cussing, offending, and harrasing another student.  
"So are you gonna go?" a guy wearing a Marylin Manson shirt asked.  
"'Course not, Robert. You know me better then that!" she said, laughing.  
Talk shifted from deranged math teachers and bloodthirsty siblings to Rocky Horror and, of course, seagulls.  
"I tell you they aim for the head!" raved Mike, waving his fist in the air.  
Lunch ended, fifth period began. What a lovely nap. **I never realized that my english book was so comfortable!** Katie thought, tying aher gray hooded sweater around her waist. Her dark blue jeans, held up by a studed belt, clovered her black shoes, dragging on the ground. Her long sleeved, deep blue shirt matched perfectly with the dark jeans and shoes while making her hair appear even brighter. She and her friend with the purple hair rambled about who had the weirder dream, not caring about the curious looks their colored locks where recieveing.  
"Flying pink bunnies are way weirder than spiders singing 'Opps... I did it again'." Amanda, the purple haired girl, said. "No wait, I think they tied."  
"Sixth period was somewhat more interesting. **Yes, my dream this time consisted of spiders singing the national anthemn.  
"So, how was A.D.? Did she annoy the hell out of you?" Amanda questioned.  
"I told you, we upgraded her from anorexic devil to anorexic bitch! She insulted me once and tried to make a crack about my hair, which was shot down by Kelli saying that the shade was unique."  
"Well, atleast Kelli shot her down."  
"Yup. The score is now 42-us, 31- her."  
"Nono, it's 41-us, 32-her!"  
  
***  
  
"Uncle Albus! Are you sure you can't get me transferred to Hogwarts?" A girl, about 15, with long blonde hair, whined.  
"I'm sorry, Christy! I truly am, but your teachers want to keep you there, at Salem Academy," Ablus Dumbledor said, adjusting his half moos spectacles. Christy, a witch of 15, had spent the better part of the hour trying to get him to accept her into Hogwarts. He had many reasons not to accept her. For one, she positivly lived the Harry Potter books. True the books were very factual, one could only wonder how a muggle came across the young boys life. Second, last year way too many transfer students had run-amuck about the school, focusing on love spells and potions which backfired horribly. Thirdly, her teachers refused to allow her to transfer to Hogwarts. They wanted her to learn something, not have a vacation in Harry Potter land. But they had given him one option.  
"Christy, there is one way you can enroll in Hogwarts. There are certain people who hold magical ablities, yet the powers were never awakened. Their magical powers would only be awakened by a meeting, accidental or otherwise, with a wizard or witch. There is a group of children like this residing in southern California, they attended your old school. To get enrolled, you must awaken some powers in three of them by introducing yourself to them, or simply bumping into them. You must find atleast three of them and befriend them. They shall attend to Hogwarts with you. However, this is to be a learing expireince, so you will learn how to deal with different people, as well as learn how to do more magical things. Understood?" he asked, a smile on his face.  
"Yes! Thank-you so much Uncle! I'll find them and bring them here before the next school you starts! Happy Easter!" she said, before flouncing out of the room.  
"I hope this isn't a total disaster."  
  
***  
  
**Cold water, warm sand, salty soda... thank god for the beach!** Katie pulled her towel off the ground, waving it in the air so the sand would get off.  
"Hey watch it!" a girl yelled. The girl had blonde hair which reached half way down her back. She wore a pink string bikini which showed off her god-given body. **Great! Just what I need! Double D bop ready to insult me!** Katie thought sarcastically.  
"Sorry," Katie grumbled Something strange was happening to her beach towel. It changed from yellow to blue with fishes. "Wha?" she said to herself.  
"Yes! I found one!" the blonde girl exclaimed.  
"Er?"  
"Well, you see, I'm a witch, like Harry Potter, ok? Anyway, my uncle, Dumbledor, sent me out to find a group of people with sleeping powers. And you're one of them, which means you get to attend Hogwarts with me if I can find two others like you. You guys were supposed to be a group, so are any of your friends here?" she said quickly.  
"Er?"  
"Hey Katie, whose this?" Amanda asked.  
"Yeah, none of your friends look like her," a guy with bleached tips of his hair said.  
"I don't know, but she's off her rocker."  
"Hello!" she said brightly. "My name is Christy! Are you friends with this girl?"  
"Yes," Amanda said.  
"No," the boy said at the same time.  
"Shut up, Jeff."  
"Make me!"  
"You're on!" Before either could advance on the other, Jeff and Katie's feet were pinned to the ground. "Hey! This isn't fair!" Amanda opened her eyes. They bluged out of their sockets.  
"It worked!"  
"Explain," Katie said.  
"Quickly," Jeff added.  
"Well, I just wished for your feet to be pinned to the ground so you couldn't fight," Amanda said, playing with a lock of purple hair.  
"Hold on a second!" Christy said, before taking off down the beach.  
"Like we could move if we wanted to," Jeff muttered.  
  
***  
  
**Yes! I found two of them! Plus one extra who could quite possibly be one too!** Christy stopped infront of a woman in a two piece suit, sun bathing, and unoccupied towel on either side of her.  
"Hello hun, something wrong?" the woman said casually.  
"Mother I found those 'sleeping powers' people! I just have to befriend and then I'll be on my way to Hogwarts!" Christy said, unable to contain her glee. Rumaging through her white beach bag, she felt her fingers fall upon the wand. Pulling it out of the bag, she said a haisty good-bye and took off down the beach to where the 'sleeping powers' people where. "Hi! I got my wand to I can undo this spell," Christy said, completley oblivious to the murderous glares the three were giving her. Waving her wand and muttering a few words, a red light streaked from the top of her wand, encirclying the feet of the two trap-ies. Freed, momentum came ramming back, causing Jeff and Katie to run full speed into each other.  
"Lovely birds you have here, Mike," Katie said, her face blank as she pointed to the imaginary birds.  
"Meep-meep," Jeff responded.  
"Are you alright?" Christy asked, for the first time totally un-cheery.  
"Gee, I wonder?" Katie said, sarcasm owning her voice.  
"Yes, it's comonplace for me to impersonate weird cartoon characters while being under the impression that a prep believes she's a witch," Jeff said, sitting up.  
"But I am!" protested Christy.  
"Oy vey," Amanda mumbled, slapping her hand to her forehead. "Houston, we have a nut."  
"I second the motion," Jeff said, raiseing a fist.   
"But I am!"  
"Right. You keep telling yourself that," Katie grumbled, the girls lunacy getting on her nerves.  
"Yeah, and next you're gonna tell us that Harry Potter is a real 16 year old boy," Amanda yelled.  
"But he is."  
"Mrph?" Jeff eyed the girl. "Why are all the hot ones psycho?"  
"My name is Christy, I go to Salem Academy for you witches and wizards. I'm a 15 year old and my uncle is Albus Dumbledor, headmaster of Hogwarts schoold of witchcraft and wizardry. To be accepted into Hogwarts, I had to find three people who had magical powers that could only be awakened by a meeting with a witch or wizard. If you three agree to come to Hogwarts with me, the I get in also."  
"What's in it for us?" Jeff asked.  
"What do you mean? You get to learn magic at one of the best schools in the wizarding world," Christy replied.  
"I'm perfectly happy at LCC, even if it is bop infested, and I think you're crazy so I'm thinking that I'm going home," Katie said, rolling up her beach towel.  
Amanda, not saying a word since Christy began her little speech about why she was looking for them. Opening her mouth, Jeff automatically slapped his hands over his ears.  
"HOLY SHIT." Sitting down, hard, she simply stared at Christy.  
"Okayyyyyyyyyyy... So, please come with me! Just come and meet my mother. She could take you to my school!"  
"No thank-you. Mommy told me never to go anywhere with psychos," Jeff said, slowly backing up.  
"Five...," Katie began, "four... three... two... one..." Jeff tumbled, tripping over Amanda.  
"Ow ow ow! You jackass! Where the hell was your brain? Off in the waves?!" Amanda screeched, the nearby walkers quickly edging away.  
"Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please ple-"  
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! WE'LL MEET YOUR MOTHER!" yelled Amanda, not in the mood to be outdone.  
"Touchy touchy," mocked Jeff.  
"Shut up stupid," Katie snapped.  
"You wanna make me?"  
"Yeah I do, bitch!"  
"Slut!"  
"Whore!"  
"Jackass!"  
"Ho!"  
"Asshole!"  
"Bastard!'  
"Bop!"  
" No fair!" Katie cried.  
"Alls fair in war and battles with you!"  
"Isn't that supposed ti be 'alls fair in love and war'?" questioned Christy.  
"I never use the word 'love' when refering to her!" Jeff spat.  
"Don't worry, idiot, the feeling's mutual." Grabbing Jeff and Amand by the arms, Christy began hauling them down the beach towards her mother.  
"C'mon Katie! I aint got another arm!" she yelled over her shoulder.  
"Help! She's got me! Oh god, I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!" Amanda yelled, hysterical. Quickly, Christy dropped her head freed from the "deadly hold" of Christy, Amanda began running in circles yelling.  
"Hey Christy, why don't you just bring your mother here?" Katie asked, oblibious to the crazed Amanda.  
"Oh! But I'm going to take Jeff so you won't run off," Christy said cautiously.  
"YES- I mean, um, er, you do that. We'll be rrrrriiiiggggghhhhhttttt here," Katie said, trying to hide the smile on her face.  
"No way!" Jeff shrieked, arms flailing wildly in and attempt to escape. By noe, most of the other beach goers had vacated the area. Only one or two people would walk by, before running off in the opposite direction.  
"Byebye Jeffy boy!" Katie said, smiling uncontrolably and waving like a maniac.  
"You leave and I tell the world about last summer."  
"You-you!"  
"You, I know whay you did last summer," Jeff said, smirking horribly. Grmiacing, Katie sat down on her towel.  
"What did you do last summer?" Amanda asked.  
" I was riding with some drunk friends, hit a guy who had just dumped his son's body in the ocean, dumped HIS body in the ocean, he came back, killed two of my friends, left me and my boyfriend alive after we thought we killed him, only to be left with a terribly cliffhanger."  
Blink blink.  
"How awful!" Christy exclaimed.  
" Why didn't you ever tell me that you had a boyfriend?!" Amanda yelled.  
"Oh lord-"Jeff began  
"-what next," Katie finished.  
A woman with short blonde hair, in a two piece, walked over to the four.  
"Mom!" Christy exclaimed, higging her mother. The woman just smiled.  
" I got worried when you didn't return," the woman said. She looked from her daughter to the other three. A girl with purple streaks in her hair wore a string bikini, red with floral pattern. The other girl with red hair wore a one piece black bathing suit with a pair of black and gray board shorts. The singly boy wore a pair of Hawaiian print trunks. Raisning an elegant eyebrown, she chuckled softly.  
"Well, well, well! It seems as though the terrible Ones finally got over their differences."  
"What? How did you... Mrs. Kensington?" Amanda questioned.  
"That's me, although I don't go by that name anymore," Mrs. Kensington replied with a smile.  
"Well, two of the Ones still don't get along."  
"That, my friend, is the understatement of the millenium," Katie said bluntly.  
"Aye," Jeff replied, nodding in consent.  
"Who was asking you?" Katie snapped.  
"Excuse ME! I didn't know Mrs. Thang was talking to herself," he shot back.  
"Go to HELL Jeff!"  
"You!"  
"I said you!"  
"And I said you!"  
"You!"  
"You!"  
"You!"  
"You!"  
"You!"  
"You!" The other three shook their heads.  
"So anyway," Amanda began, ignoring the two arguing teens, "Christy here says that we are magic people wnd that Harry Potter is real. I know a really good psychologist, she's a friend of my mom's."  
" No no! Christy is a witch; so am I! Come with me, I'll introduce you to Professor Dumbledor," Mrs. Kensington said.  
"Well... alright. But you get to make them stop," Amanda said, pointing to the pair, still angry.  
"You!"  
"You!"  
"You you you!"  
"YOU!"  
"Enough! Follow me!" Mrs. Kensington yelled. Katie and Jeff stared at her, glanced at each other, and followed Mrs. Kensington. The five packed themselves into Mrs. Kensington's car.  
  
***  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
"No."  
"Are we there yet?"  
"No."  
"Are we there yet?"   
"NO!"  
"Don't you dare even start with me!" Katie yelled. **Ten minutes! Ten minutes and those two are fighting again!** Mrs. Kensington thought.  
"I wasn't asking you!"  
"Just shut up, Jeff!" yelled Katie, whacking him upside the head.  
"Stop it you two, we're here." 'Here' turned out to be a small house off the beach. They walked through the house to the fireplace. "Christy, be a doll and light the fire would you?"  
"Sure Mom," she replied. Jeff and Katie were still arguing in hushed voices, Amanda had her fingers in her ears in a desperate attepmt to block out the noise. Mrs. Kensington picked up a jar laying upon the mantle and through a handful of dust on the fire.  
"Now this is floo powder. Just say 'Dumbledor's office' in a clear voice, and keep your arms close to your body. No buts Amanda. Christy you first, then Katie, Jeff, Amanda, and then me." Christy walked into the flames. Jeff, Katie, and Amanda slapped their hands over their eyes. Hesitantly, the three peeked through their fingers, eyes widening. Christy stood in the flames, unharmed.  
"Dumbledor's office!" she said. with a whoosh, she was gone.  
"Now you, Katie." Setting her jaw in place, Katie walked over to the fireplace.  
"D... Dum-achoo!" she sneezed, as a clump of soot fell down the chimney.  
"Oh dear! Hurry! You too go!!" Jeff quickly walked over, said 'Dumbledor's office' and was gone. Amanda followed him. "I hope she's there." Without anymore hesitation, Mrs. Kensington stood in the flames, yelling 'Dumbledor's office'.  
"I see I'm getting paid a visit," said a bemused Dumbledor. **Alright, there's Amanda, Jeff, Christy...**  
"No! She's not here!"  
"What do you mean, Patricia?"  
"Katie! I sent her through the floo network and she's not here!"  
"Where could she be?" Amanda asked.  
"Who cares?" Jeff muttered.  
"Shut up, or I'll beat you up," Amanda said darkly.  
"She could be anywhere!" Mrs. Kensington said, horrified.  
"We'll find her. I'll see if someone around here can find her magical signature," Dumbledor said, his eyes troubled.  
"I do hope so," Patricia (mrs. kensington) said.  
  
*(Many miles away)*  
  
  
A boy with silver-blonde hair stared disspassionatly at the fire. **Stupid Potter... hex me will he? I will make him pay! I'll-** The fire flared up. A girl wearing a bathing suit and a pair of incredably short-shorts fell out of the fire. She lay on the ground infront of the fire. Angrily, she opened her eyes.  
"GOD DAMN YOU, YOU BITCH!" she screamed. Hurried footsteps came up to the room. In the doorway stood Lucius Malfoy.  
"Draco, who is this?" Lucius spat. Hasitly, the girl pulled herself off the ground.  
"Dude, I'm sorry to 'drop in', could I use your phone? Or could you take me back to Encinitas?" Blank stares met her. "Um..."  
"F-f-on-e?" Draco sounded.  
"Mudblood!" Lucius hissed.  
"Hey, buddy, welcome to reality. You want to insult me, you gotta do better then taht," she snapped. "Show me to the door, pretty-boy, or else I'm sort of stuck here."  
"No one tells Father what to do!" Draco said indignatly.  
"Don't get touchy with me, I'm pissed off," she snapped, the fire gliniting off her red hair.  
"Draco watch her, I'm going to have the Ministry get this... filth, out of my house." Lucius apparated with a faint pop. The girl dropped to the ground, rubbing her head.  
"How did a Mudblood end up here?" Draco questioned, his sneer upon his face.  
"I dunno. I'm supposed to be in Dumbledor's office." Draco paled.  
"Not another one."  
"Not another what?" she asked.  
"Another American transfer."  
"Ohhh. The cliches must be real. Let me guess, you "fell in love" about 50 times, had your "heart broken" each time, and befriended Harry Hermione and Ron about 100 times," she said.  
"How did you know?"  
"Uh-uh. That's a piece of Mudblood info."  
"Bitch," he spat. For a long time she simply stared at him, before asking that one question that is always asked.  
"Do you have any chocolate?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N: ok, this is the first chapter, though I won't do anymore if I don't get any reviews. I will only contiue if I get atleast 1 good review. Please R/R! Or I'll sic the seagulls on ya!  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

A/N: Well, here is part 2 of my freak-ish self-insert-but-not-really-because-I-said so. More language, what can I say? I have a language problem...  
  
A Fic that went wrong part 2  
  
"So a girl by the name of Katie Dunn is missing? Is that her name?" Professor Snape questioned.  
"Well, her full name is Katherine Rose Dunn, but she has a lot of nicknames if you wanna be specific."  
"I told you a million times! That girl," Jeff spat, "is nothing but trouble!"  
"Professor Dumbledor, am I going to be accepted to Hogwarts now?" Christy questioned.  
"Yes, I do believe so. Only if these children are allowed by their parents."  
"Excuse me," Amanda began, "but can I go home? Having an important descion about my future is not something I want to do in my bathing suit."  
"I hear ya sister!" Jeff added.  
"I don't see why no-what is that?" Dumbledor said. The others in the room crowded around the window. A dark figure was rapidly approaching. Two actually. The two people on broomsticks halted before the window.  
"Alohamar (and yes I know that isn't spelled right but its the open locked stuff spell)," Dumbledor whispered, pointing his wand at the window. The window fell open, the two allowed themselves in. "Ah, Cornelius, Lucius, to what do I owe this privilege?"  
"Cut the pleasantries," Lucius snapped, not at all happy. "There is a muggle laying on the floor of my manor! The Minister," he sneered, "told me to tell you."  
"It is good that Cornelius here came to me. That child had an accident on the floo network. She was headed to my office," Dumbledor explained. Lucius went pale.  
"Not another transfer?" he asked.  
"Yes, she is."  
"I will not stand for this! Last year my son had one too many love spells and potions used on him by transfers!" Lucius raved, regaining color.  
"I'm sorry, but she has to attend Hogwarts, along with these three."  
"Don't worry. Katie positively hates this whole concept," Jeff said.  
"How do you know?" Amanda asked suspiciously.  
"Dunno."  
"Urgh! I SO know why she HATES YOU!" Turning to Lucius she said, "she's not a romantic. Besides, her father will never let her go without a struggle, and believe me, NO ONE in their right mind would cross anyone in that family." Gingerly, Jeff fingered his jaw.  
"She does have a mean right hook."  
"Where is she now?" Professor Snape asked calmly.  
"At the manor with Draco," Lucius replied. Jeff turned sharply to face him.  
"Is your son anything like you?"  
"What does my son have to-"  
"Nevermind that, is he?" Jeff insisted.  
"Yes. He is. Why?" Amanda and Jeff looked at each other.  
"Shit," they said in unison.  
"What?" Cornelius said, flabbergasted.  
"Sir, you probably don't have much of a son left," Amanda said simply. Lucius growled.  
"I'm leaving!" he yelled.  
"Wait!" Patricia said. He stopped and turned to glare at her. "We will come with you."  
"No," Jeff said. "Amanda and I should go. I can get her off your son and Amanda can calm her down. She'll just hurt anyone else."  
"Yup."  
"Well, I AM going," Professor Dumbledor said. "Severus, would you kindly retrieve three broomsticks from the broom shed?"  
"Yes, headmaster." The potion master left to gather the brooms. Amanda looked ready to burst.  
"Amanda?" Jeff said.  
"Yes?"  
"You ok?"  
"'Course not."  
"Okay then." The others in the room blinked. Except Lucius, who stood fuming in the corner.  
  
***  
  
"Chocolate?!" Draco yelled. "You're a bloody mudblood! Why on earth would I wait on you?"  
"It was just a question," Katie mumbled.  
"Stupid prat! You mudblood! When my father gets back you will be begging for mercy. Honestly, expecting me, a Malfoy, to wait on you, a Mudblood? Your whole kind are insults! Just like those damn people I bet you call 'parents'?" Standing up, Katie walked to him, until she was practically nose to nose with him.  
"Take it back."  
"No." Before he could say what, she launched herself at him. Punching him in the eye, ramming her knee into his stomach. Coming out of his dazed state, Draco through a wild punch that connected with her shoulder. Quickly, she grabbed his hand pulled down on it, causing him to lose balance. Bringing her fist up, she did an uppercut to the jaw. Lashing out again, Draco punched her in the stomach. The fight went on, an exchange of punches, kicks, and yelps.  
"Do you have to fight with everyone?" a voice questioned snotily. Draco and Katie froze. Draco lay on the ground, a bruise forming around his eye. He had one hand blocking his face and the other pulled back in preparation or a punch. Katie was perched atop him; her fist inches from his face. Her other hand pinning his chest down. In the door way stood Jeff and Amanda, still in their bathing suits, a man wearing green robes with a long white beard, a short chubby man with thinning brown hair, and Lucius.  
"This has nothing to do with you Jeff!" she yelled.  
"Katie, just leave him be. He's a bop. You know what they're like," Amanda said calmly.  
"He's a racist, pompous, bigot!" she hollered. The others were frozen, not knowing whether to talk to her or pull her off him. Lucius made up their minds for them. Hastily, he pulled Katie off Draco, pushing her to the ground.  
"Dumbledor, no transfers will be accepted, I'll make sure of it."  
"Terribly sorry, Lucius, but these four must be trained at Hogwarts."  
"Why? Why not some other Mudblood loving school?" Lucius spat.  
"Well, out Auror program is the best, and that is why they are being accepted," Dumbledor said, no longer amused.  
"Yoo-hoo! Earth to psychos! I have no desire to be an Auror. I simply wish to be a bunch of things that have nothing to do with fighting bad guys. Super Dork over there would probably die for the chance though," Katie said, pointing at Jeff.  
"Shut the hell up."  
"Whats wrong Jeff? Did I hurt your poor widdle ego?"  
"Slut."  
"Whore."  
"Prep."  
"Bop."  
"Stop it you two," Amanda said.  
"Yes Mother," they replied.  
"Father, that-that THING can't be accepted to Hogwarts, right? Shouldn't it attend some other school in America?" Draco whined. A glare, accompanied by a rude hand gestures basically told him that the 'thing' had every intention of severely maiming him.  
"Well, this 'thing' would like to return home, to enjoy her day at the beach. Oh, and did I ever tell you people that, while I'm fascinated by your group-mental-illness crap, that I'm not a full blown nut, I just have a bit of an anger problem," Katie said, positively angered beyond the point of no return.  
Jeff snorted.  
"'Bit of an anger problem'? You argue with anything that moves. Take that seagull the other day. 'Be damned, ye evil crappy bird.' I rest my case." Taking quick brisk steps, Katie halted about a foot from him, before finding herself restrained, again.  
"Terribly sorry, but we cannot have you two fighting just yet," Dumbledor said, smiling.  
"Haha! You can't mo-ove!" Jeff taunted. A look of horror dawned over his face.  
"Ha ha!" Katie said triumphantly. Before the two could engage in name calling again, Lucius pointed his wand at the two, muttering something. Their mouths snapped shut, rage burning in both of their eyes.  
"Now that the annoyances are taken care of," Lucius began, ignoring the glares from the annoyances. "I do not want anymore transfer students allowed. I don't need any fictious rumors that I beat my son, or that I'm a womanizer, or that Draco is gay, "in love" with one of them, or forced to befriend those Mudbloods!" Lucius's blue eyes flashed, betraying the anger he kept hidden.  
"We don't have a choice Lucius, the Ministry made a law stating that a wizarding student must be accompanied by three discovered wizards. The reason why they are coming to Hogwarts is the fact that they have strong magic we need to fight Voldemort," Dumbledor said.  
"This is preposterous. Transfers were never accepted in my day! Why are all these Mudbloods appearing with magic all of a sudden? It doesn't make sense! And why is my son always tormented by them? I will not stand for this!" Lucius said, his rage visible only in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry, Lucius, but these students must be accepted to Hogwarts," Dumbledor repeated calmly. Lucius's eyes flickered from Amanda to the still frozen and glaring pair.  
"Gentlemen, let's take this meeting into my office. Draco, watch them. If that one tries anything, freeze." Lucius pointed at Amanda.  
"Um sir, could you at least undo the 'no-talking' thing on my friends so I can talk to them?" she asked hesitantly. Dumbledor smiled, waved his wand. The trio, Lucius, Dumbledor, and Fudge, left the four teens.  
"You should have asked him to let us move," Jeff said sourly.  
"He's old," Draco began, "but Professor Dumbledor isn't senile."  
  
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A/N: End of part 2. I've got part three almost finished and I've got another series I'm starting, but that won't be up until at the earliest mid-February. I just want one good review and I'll finish this. Just one. Please? *gets on knees* I beg you!!!!! Please?????  
  
  
  



	3. In which people yell, fall, and tater-to...

A/N: Yes, yes, this is a pretty weird fic. It features one total and complete Mary Sue (with lots of bashing) and three not so willing CA teens. Let's just say, this is what is called a "JOKE". Dun take this as somethin I write often, though I do love sarcasm.  
  
  
  
A fic that went wrong, Ch. 3  
  
  
"Urgh! Just you wait! When I can move you-ohhh! It's a cat!" Katie squealed. A black british shorthair eyed the four with distaste before turning it's tail up and walking to the window. "What beautiful build! The tail, perfectly proportioned to the body, firm paws, well boned legs, strong chin. I'd definitally give it best of breed, color, and overall if I was a judge. Has she been shown?" Katie questioned, anger totally gone.  
  
"No, Centauri dislikes the smell of other cats. Showing would be impossible unfortuantly," Draco said. He slowly edged towards the door, hoping the crazed Cat woman wouldn't notice anything. **Freak! One moment she's plotting my death, and the next she's in love with my cat!**  
  
"Shame, she's a beauty. Centauri, you said, lovely name for her," she replied, attention focused soely on the cat. **The handle!** Draco thought happily.  
  
"So long Mudbloods!" he yelled, turning the knob and running out the door, slamming it behind him.  
  
Bam!! (lovely sound effects, ne?) The sound of something falling down the stairs rang out. The three mudbloods looked at each other, blinked.  
  
"Damnit that hurt!" Draco's usually drawling voice high-pitched in pain. Looking at each other, they burst out laughing again. "I'll get you mudbloods!" he yelled out, voice cracking half way through.  
  
Snort.  
  
  
***  
  
  
"I'm so happy! I finally get to go to Hogwarts! Yes!" Christy jumped up and down, quickly talking to her mother about all the wonderful things Hogwarts had to offer. Patricia was just as excited as her daughter. Snape, however, was rather vexed by the young girl. "This will be so fun! I finally get to meet all the people in the books! And I get to start a new school, and make new friends and have fun and..." About this time, Snaped decided to shut out the awful racket. **Another transfer, probably a Gryffindor. Just another one to add to the millions. Argh!** "Are you going to be one of my teachers?" Chrisy asked, realizing that there was another person in the room.  
  
"Professor. I'm the potions master, Professor Snape." The girls eyes went wide, a huge smile on her face.  
  
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! The books really are right!"  
  
"Books?" Snape questioned, slowly edging away from the girl. **She's gone crazy. Must. Run. Fast. Crazy. Teenager. Help?**  
  
  
***  
  
  
The three men sat down in the office. The high ceiling and dark paint made the room appear to go on forever. Two dark leather chairs sat before the great oak desk. Lucius indicated for the two men to sit in the chairs, taking his seat behing the desk.  
  
"Brandy?" Lucius offered. Both men declined.  
  
"Lucius, these four must attend Hogwarts. They are greatly needed! Voldemort is rising and his first target will be Hogwarts! There is no choice," Dumbledore explained, knowing it would be in vain.  
  
"Why can't they attend some school on their side of the Atlantic? And though they may need Auror training according to you, they don't even know the most basic skills. Shouldn't they learn those and then transfer to Hogwarts?" Lucius spat. Cornelius shifted nervously, his gaze flickering from Lucius to Dumbledore.  
  
"These children must come to Hogwarts to learn the skills that they need. They won't have to learn all transfigurations, potions, charms, ecetera. they simply must learn Defense Against the Dark Arts from years five through seven, plus addtional courses in the subject. I expect that they shall be able to do it," said Dumbledore, frowning. Lucius, however, was not in the mood to compromise, discuss, or even think that four more transfers would be accepted to Hogwarts.  
  
"Well, if that's all our children need to learn these days, they why do they learn of the "unnessecary" lessons? May I remind you that working wizards and witches pay for this school?" hissed Lucius.  
  
"Not at all! The lessons are all needed! They give a firm foundation for all magic! Without a good foundation, a building would crumble," Dumbledore said calmly.  
  
"But why then-" Lucius began. A loud bam came from outside.  
  
"Damint that hurt!" A high pitched voice yelled. "I'll get you mudbloods!"  
  
"Stupid boy..." Lucius muttered, taking his head in his hands. Cornelius epped, having slid under his chair at the first sound.  
  
"Is -is-is-is-is it Y-y-y-you Kn-know Who?" he stuttered, small frame shaking the chair. Dumbledore helped the terrified man up, explaining the obvious. Lucius strode out the door.  
  
"No no, Cornelius. It is smiply Draco. From what I heard he fell down the stairs," Dumbledore calmly said. The two walked to the doorway, just in time to see a red-faced Draco being led back to the room he had vacated by his ear. A head adorned with purple hair stuck out from the doorway. It turned, seeing Dumbledore.  
  
"Oy! Old dude! Can you let my friends go?" she said in a loud whisper. Dumbledore nodded, smiling. Upon entering, he saw the two frozen children mocking Draco. Lucius was talking to his son in hushed tones in a corner. "So, can ya fix 'em? Or do I have to steal your 'wand'?" Amanda said, making those nifty finger quotes around the words wand.  
  
"I'll be happy to be of service, m'Lady/" Dumbledore replied, in good spirits. Waving his wand he said,  
"Finte Incarment!"   
  
The two previously unmoving people, fell to the ground, their feet having become acustomed to the lack of body weight.  
  
"There has got to be atleast ONE unfreezing spell that doesn't involve me falling on my butt," Katie muttered.  
  
"I just wish people would stop freezing us," Jeff said. "It's like people think we're those Tater-tot thins that reek of freezer burn."  
  
"You know, those things aren't that bad. Atleast, they're not if Mom just bought 'em and cooked 'em," Amanda replied.  
  
"They're really good with lemon juice," Katie said, still sitting on the ground.  
  
"No, they're the best with ketchup," Amanda argued.  
  
"You're both crazy," Jeff said, standing up. "They're the best with sugar." Katie opened her mouth to protest, but a glare from Lucius made her close it again. Lucius stepped out of the corner, eyes flashing.  
  
"No transfers will be allowed. I'll make sure of it."  
  
  
***  
  
  
"So how exactly do we get on the platform again?" Jeff asked...  
  
  
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A/N: Vell then, not very interesting, no? I'm just writin this thing for the sake of writers block and keeping it away. Figured someone else could get a laugh outta it. R./R if you're woman enough!  
  



	4. In which Willy Wonka is mentioned, and C...

A Fic That Went Wrong  
Chapter 4  
  
Christie smiled brightly, oblivious to the curious looks of the muggles at Kings Cross Station. A large group of muggles were surrounding the space between platform nine and ten.  
  
"Mom, how are we supposed to get on the platform with all those muggles surrounding it?" Christie asked politely. Her mother rummages through her purse, looking for the Hogwarts letter. Christie unconsciously smoothed her violet, knee length skirt. Her gaze shifted from the crowd of muggles to her three companions.   
  
One of the taller ones, a girl named Katie, was wearing a pair of indigo jeans and a blue t-shirt with the sleeves rolled. On the front of the shirt was "San Diegueto ASA Softball," while the back read "Grauer Schools, 10." From what Chrisie could understand, Katie played a sport called softball, and for some odd reason, was attached to her worn jersey. She sat upon her trunk which was placed on a trolley.   
  
The only boy in the group, Jeff, was leaning against the handle of his trolley, head bent in boredom, the bleached tips of his hair spiked up. His tanned complexion sank into his black hooded sweatshirt. The sweatshirt read "Hurley", which was some kind of muggle skate company from what Chrisie could gather. He wore tan cargo pants, which were sagged, as muggles tended to do. The legs of his pants, covering his shoes, were wide enough to hide a few extra people.   
  
The final girl, Amanda, was attracting most of the looks. Her hair, freshly streak purple, hung loosely around her shoulders. She wore a knee length black skirt, the ends ragged. Fishnets adorned her arms, covered by a white t-shirt that said "Stop staring at me." The lace up Doc Martins she wore were scuffed. She stood next to Christy's mother, a black trench coat in her hands. Heavy black eye make up, pulled into spirals at the corners of her eyes, contrasted with the pale foundation she wore.  
  
"Here we go!" Patricia, Christy's mom, said. She held up the Hogwarts letter with directions. "We are supposed to walk through the wall opposite of the usual one. Katie, hun, is your dad going to be here? We only have a few minutes left." Katie raised her head, scanning the crowd.  
  
"I guess he forgot," she said softly. Without looking at the others she stood up. "Well, 'Manda, looks like I coulda worn my original outfit."  
  
"Yeah..." Amanda said, giving her friend a sympathetic look.  
  
"Let's get going, okay?" Jeff said nervously.  
  
"A-all right. I'll go through with Katie first, then Amanda, and you, Jeff. And then you Christie," Patricia said. She and Katie slowly leaned against the wall and ...  
  
Disappeared (surprise surprise). Jeff and Amanda followed the suit. Christie brought up the rear. Victorian looking train station met their eyes.  
  
"Whoa... this place is actually clean," Katie said, in awe.  
  
"What do you mean?" Christie asked.  
  
"Well, the train stations in San Diego look like they haven't been cleaned in fifty years," she replied.   
  
"They haven't," Jeff said. Many people in robes, both young and old, were boarding the train, prying themselves free of teary parents, killing each other, the usual back-to-school trauma. As Christie and the three dumbfounded American transfers boarded, Patricia caught Christie in a back breaking hug.  
  
"Oh dear, I'm going to miss you! Owl me everyday! And stay out of trouble!" Christie was slowly turning purple. Jeff was eyeing Patricia oddly, Amanda was shaking with silent laughter, Katie averted her gaze. Finally, Patricia released her daughter, tears coming to her eyes. "Off with you! You're all going to be late! Don't you break any rules!" The four finished climbing the stairs, Patricia's voice trailed after them. "And don't you _DARE_ think about failing any classes!" Jeff and Amanda laughed at Christy's bright red face. The four put their trunks up in am empty compartment and sat down. Jeff and Christie talked about classes and magic, while Amanda and Katie argued about "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." Angrily, Amanda stood up.  
  
"It is NOT scary at all!" she yelled. Katie got to her feet just as angry.  
  
"It is too! That one guy gets sucked up that tube and Wonka acts like nothing happened! That one girl becomes a blueberry and they send her off to get popped! Than that kid, Charlie, falls down that shaft with bubbles and the giant fan at the bottom...! What about the end where he gets shot out of the building in the elevator! How the hell are you supposed to tell me that that movie wasn't scary?!" Katie yelled, flailing her arms about. Amanda, Christie, and Jeff burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Katie questioned, a confused look on her face.  
  
"Bwwhaahhhhaaahhhhaaaaa!" Amanda fell to the ground, rolling about, laughing. The other two laughing occupants burst into a fresh round of giggles. Katie cautiously pushed Amanda with her foot.  
  
"Er?"  
  
The compartment door slid open, in the doorway stood three boys. Amanda sat up, laughter gone, and glared at the newcomers. Draco Malfoy stood, nose up, disdainfully eyeing Katie. The other two boys could best be described as "eek!" The huge boys had clunky arms, unibrows, and appeared to be vertically challenged.   
  
"Move now, mudbloods," Draco said, with that drawl.  
  
"Excuse me," Christie said, yet again oblivious. "But we aren't mudbloods. My name is Christie O'Connel, I'm a transfer. What's your name?" Still oblivious to Draco's glare and her three companions looks, she held her hand out.  
  
"My name is Draco Malfoy. Now leave," he said. Jeff stood up, glaring at Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"Well what if we don't want to?"  
  
"That isn't an option," Crabbe said lowly.   
  
"This is our compartment. No mudblood is going to take it away," Goyle added.  
  
"Now hold on! Lemme think for a second," said Amanda, getting to her feet. "You're Crabbed and Goyle, right?" At their nods, she continued. "I was under the impression that you two couldn't think if your lives depended on it."  
  
"You _WHAT_?" Crabbe yelled.   
  
"Honestly! You mudbloods take everything you read to heart. Even I am not such a misguided judge of character. What bohemians you Americans are!" Goyle said, raising a fist in fury. Amanda, Jeff, and Christie all stared blankly at the two.  
  
"That was a bit rude 'Manda," Katie said, still glaring at Draco. "After all, we've only just met this high-ass and - What are your first names?" she asked, breaking her glare with Draco to look at Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"Vincent, Vincent Crabbe," the boy with black hair said.  
  
"I'm Gregory Goyle," the boy with brown hair said.  
  
"Now that we're all introduced, will you leave now?" Draco said, careful not to look Christie in the eye.  
  
"Malfoy, are you bugging people _again_?" A voice from outside asked. A red haird boy came into view. Shoving past Draco, the red head made his way into the compartment. He turned, glaring at Malfoy. He wore the long black robes all Hogwarts students wore, a red sash around his waist. He towered over the compartments occupant, bar Draco.   
  
"Shove off, Malfoy. No one wants you here, if I'm not mistaken," Ron spat.  
  
"Where's the rest of the Dream Team?" Draco sneered.  
  
"I didn't know you cared Malfoy," a feminem voice from the door said. Hermione walked in, bushy brown hair pulled back. Besides her was Harry, adorned in Hogwarts robes.  
  
"My, my, my, is this suddenly a mudblood compartment?" Draco smirked, watching Hermione fluster.  
  
"So the ceiling really is charmed?" The Dream Team and Draco turned, quite shocked at what they saw. Crabbe and Goyle appeared to be deep in conversation with Amanda, Katie, and Jeff.   
  
"Very much so. It must have taken quite a lot of charms from what my studies have told me," Goyle said, in an uncanny offhand manner.  
  
"Well, it looks as though I'm doomed to be surrounded by smart people for the rest of my life," Jeff muttered. Katie patted his back.  
  
"I feel your pain," she said, shaking her head. Amanda let out a yelp, jumping up from her seat.  
  
"Dude! New record! Twenty minutes, thirty-one seconds, and there have been no fights of any kind! I knew you could-"  
  
"Get the hell away from me!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"You!"  
  
Sighing, Amanda sat back down.  
  
"I knew it was to good to be true," she grumbled. Shaking his head, Draco blinked rapidly, trying to understand what he was hearing.  
  
"What the hell is going on?"  
  
"For once, I'm actually thinking the same thing as Malfoy," Harry said, disbelief on his face. "More transfers," he swallowed nervously, "I'll never make it out of Hogwarts."  
  
"Dude, did I _ASK_ to be a nutso? I think not. Just chill, the only person you need to worry about is Miss Oh-My-God over there," Jeff said, pointing to Christie.  
  
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.  
  
"We don't want to _be_ here. I'm perfectly willing to go back to my algebra class and leave mass insania to itself, thank you very much," Amanda said, nodding to herself.  
  
"What they said," Katie replied, with a offhand gesture, before turning back to Crabbe and Goyle. Christie smiled to herself, standing up and offering her hand to Harry, Hermione, and Ron.  
  
"Hi! My name is Christie," she said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Aye, I know it's weird. And I know the transfers are funky. I wrote most of this after a battle with my own mortal enemy (the jackass). And yes, I know algebra sucks. R/R... if you dare...  
  
  
  
  



End file.
